Losing Alaska

An Ode To Life

Childhood

  • Alienate

    It seems like every day it’s getting clearer to me   I do it in so many ways   I never failed to continue to alienate myself this way   always trying to think of something to say   words that never come out   so I just sit back and let you take it away   once again always alienating myself this way  … Read more

  • Acidic

    I’m running my heart to pieces trying to break free of you   but I’m disappearing deep down inside   with every tear I forced deep down inside   breakdown   I’m having on the floor with my head in my hands   I’m screaming through my veins the hate I can feel it brewing   pain anger and sadness fusing together filling me up from… Read more

  • Roulette

                What is the hardest decision you have ever been asked to make?  Take thirty seconds to think.  Did you find it?  I did.  I don’t even have to be given time.  It is always there, overshadowing everything in both my sub and conscious mind.  A memory almost as horrible as it is hopeless.  A… Read more

  • Therapy

    “Why are you afraid of getting better?” the women with the dark eyes and darker hair asks 5000 miles away but sitting in the woman’s living room. “Who said I was scared” “My third eye is telling me.” “You and your third I can….” the woman goes silent. Picking the conversation back up she starts… Read more

  • Watcher

    WATCHER “To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.”    Alphonse de Lamartine Chapter 1 Angel I watched you.             I have watched you for twenty-three years and still you are only but a child in my shadow. You are today the same curly… Read more

  • I am

    I am 3 and I am alone. When I laugh no one is there to listen. When I laughed there is no one there to hear it. When I laugh, I don’t laugh outside anymore. I’m alone in this bath with my laughs and she isn’t coming back anymore. I am alone in this bath… Read more

  • Stood

    And she stood staring into death, but of all the times, this time death didn’t stare back. Read more

  • Nobody

    I am tired. I am so tired most days I’m not even here. I’m so tired of seeing things most others do not see. Half of what I see may be real, while the other half is just paranoia. I’m so tired of not being an identity. Of not growing myself into a somebody, so… Read more

  • Strings

    Strings on my fingers,Strings on my toes,Strings tied in places I don’t even know. Strings in my mind hitched to different people,Puppeteer with his strings that he pulled though his vessel,For I am not free,Nor do I see,He is more than just a part of me. Strings on my fingers,Strings on my toes,Strings tied in… Read more

  • Therapy Assignment One

    Below is an assignment I did in therapy to work on shame associated with sexual abuse when I was a child. Shame Mental health people say the only way to heal shame is to say it. I wonder if that is true. I certainly have my reservations about it, but what do I have to… Read more