Losing Alaska

An Ode To Life

mental hospital

  • I want out (part one)

    I wish I could say I knew everything. But the truth is I know nothing. I don’t know why the sun rises. I don’t know why the sea is green. I don’t know why the earth turns, or why water freezes. I don’t know anything, but I do know black. A black that stretches as Read more

  • Nobody

    I am tired. I am so tired most days I’m not even here. I’m so tired of seeing things most others do not see. Half of what I see may be real, while the other half is just paranoia. I’m so tired of not being an identity. Of not growing myself into a somebody, so Read more

  • Therapy Assignment One

    Below is an assignment I did in therapy to work on shame associated with sexual abuse when I was a child. Shame Mental health people say the only way to heal shame is to say it. I wonder if that is true. I certainly have my reservations about it, but what do I have to Read more

  • Dissociative Identity Disorder Assignment Three

    This Assignment is about the inner turmoil of two different parts of me, and about the “elimination” of one of those parts. One In Two Two in One went out for play headed down towards the river not so far away. One of Two she did not talk, while Two of One for her footing Read more

  • Dissociative Identity Disorder Assignment Two

    This assignment was to find a place where all of the different parts of me could come together, sadly the protector is against the collaboration. Dock We can all meet at my beautiful lake on a dock, hidden in between trees on all sides. A large snow-covered mountain rising to the sky above the taiga. Read more

  • Dissociative Identity Disorder Assignment One

    This Assignment is about what happened to my inner four year old. Enjoy! Embers “Where are we going?” “You will see Little One.” “Why are we going there?” “Well Little One it is a place just for you.” The four-year-old girl looked down in deep concentration as if pondering the complexities of reality. “Will you Read more

  • Sin

    The water blows across the sea rippling and distorting my reflection of me,The summer sun sets and the winter moon rises,Hiding away sin in its millions of disguises,During all of this I just happen to see a faraway person watching over me,The far away watcher of me is broken inside,The gaping hole in her chest Read more

  • Monster

    I see him,The Monster,He is hiding in my dreams,Weaving intricate webs of my own self-hate,In my loathing I awaken for the Monster he is near,His breath full of captured souls beating upon my prepubescent consciousness,I am frightened,Too frightened to move,I pray to a God who is not listening to make it stop,Gods reply?Absent,My mind leaves Read more

  • Insanity

    Drip, drip, drop,Drip, drip, drop,Rain dripping down sploshing on the damp wet ground,Rain dripping down thudding the top of my roof as I listen,Rain dripping down tripping and trapping against the windows by which I sit,Rain dripping down urgling and gurgling in my head I can hear it,Drip, drip, drop,Drip, drip, drop,Rain pouring down slip Read more

  • False Promise

    False PromiseI am despair,I consume all and release nothing from my grasp of steel,I have slayed the greatest of men and fell the mightiest of beasts,I am despair relentless and overbearing,A thief of always,The sun does not shine here and hope is not birthed,I am despair,I promise and destroy,I end lives with the false promise Read more