Losing Alaska

An Ode To Life

Dissociative Identity disorder

  • Beast

    I can feel it slipping, my sobriety  Doomed to be forever consumed by this metallic beast  Engulfing my consciousness more every day  Losing myself would say  But lost I already am  In the belly of the beast  Yet still all i can think of is where can I find my next subliminal feast  I am a body  a shell  A corpse of… Read more

  • Alienate

    It seems like every day it’s getting clearer to me   I do it in so many ways   I never failed to continue to alienate myself this way   always trying to think of something to say   words that never come out   so I just sit back and let you take it away   once again always alienating myself this way  … Read more

  • Crimson

    The crimson tide slowly washes over me,  The cascading ebony of the color red clipping my beautiful wings,  The chain of society perpetually tightening around my body every time I try to lift off,  This chilling cement rain puddling and forming upon my feet,  I can feel it,  Every hardening drop keeping me who I am yesterday, … Read more

  • Roulette

                What is the hardest decision you have ever been asked to make?  Take thirty seconds to think.  Did you find it?  I did.  I don’t even have to be given time.  It is always there, overshadowing everything in both my sub and conscious mind.  A memory almost as horrible as it is hopeless.  A… Read more

  • Therapy

    “Why are you afraid of getting better?” the women with the dark eyes and darker hair asks 5000 miles away but sitting in the woman’s living room. “Who said I was scared” “My third eye is telling me.” “You and your third I can….” the woman goes silent. Picking the conversation back up she starts… Read more

  • I am

    I am 3 and I am alone. When I laugh no one is there to listen. When I laughed there is no one there to hear it. When I laugh, I don’t laugh outside anymore. I’m alone in this bath with my laughs and she isn’t coming back anymore. I am alone in this bath… Read more

  • I want out (part one)

    I wish I could say I knew everything. But the truth is I know nothing. I don’t know why the sun rises. I don’t know why the sea is green. I don’t know why the earth turns, or why water freezes. I don’t know anything, but I do know black. A black that stretches as… Read more

  • Nobody

    I am tired. I am so tired most days I’m not even here. I’m so tired of seeing things most others do not see. Half of what I see may be real, while the other half is just paranoia. I’m so tired of not being an identity. Of not growing myself into a somebody, so… Read more

  • Strings

    Strings on my fingers,Strings on my toes,Strings tied in places I don’t even know. Strings in my mind hitched to different people,Puppeteer with his strings that he pulled though his vessel,For I am not free,Nor do I see,He is more than just a part of me. Strings on my fingers,Strings on my toes,Strings tied in… Read more

  • Therapy Assignment One

    Below is an assignment I did in therapy to work on shame associated with sexual abuse when I was a child. Shame Mental health people say the only way to heal shame is to say it. I wonder if that is true. I certainly have my reservations about it, but what do I have to… Read more